Funny Inspirational Quotes

Funny Inspirational Quotes to cheer you up, inspire and motivate you or quite simply to make you smile.

I have been through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened."
Mark Twain

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted; musicians denoted; cowboys deranged; models deposed; tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Viginia Ostman

Everything comes to him who hustles while he waits.
Thomas Edison

Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.
Mark Twain

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
Dylan Thomas

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Do you think Houdini ever locked his keys in his car?

If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?

Why is there always one in every crowd?

If all the world is a stage, where does the audience sit?

Is it possible to have deja vu and amnesia at the same time?

How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?

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